Ah, Valentine’s Day… that magical, dreamy day when people feel free to judge you just for existing… or at least for breathing outside of a relationship.

If you’ve been single for any length of time, you’re probably getting tons of helpful commentary.

Once February rolls around, they ratchet up the whole…

“It’ll happen for you.”

“Don’t worry. Your perfect someone is out there.”

And the always popular…

“You’re single? But you’re so pretty…”

Who the fuck invented that last one?

Have you seen some of the happily committed people out there? They make Bertha the constipated hippo look like a fucking supermodel. Can we stop with this shit already?

Society changes norms at the speed of light. But man, are we slow as fuck at changing judgment.

And I’m not bashing couple-dom. I think it’s fucking awesome when two people are happy together. I like it when people are happy, in general.

I don’t think all couples are happy, though.

You know what you never hear? You never hear someone mention that they’re in a committed relationship to have the other person say, “That’s too bad… don’t worry, nothing lasts forever.”

That never happens. Single people don’t “tsk, tsk” your relationship situation as if you’ve been blighted with some spouse shaped cancerous growth… and not for nothing, that fits the bill with a few people.

As a society, we decided long ago that a happy, successful life meant certain things. Marriage, kids, and material wealth equal success. But we added a few caveats on this crap shoot of judgmental fuckwittery.

Like, if you get married and have kids – yay. But then if you get divorced and wind up raising the kids as a single parent… you poor thing. Seriously, I’ve seen people react to hearing about someone’s terminal illness with less pity in their eyes. It’s slightly disconcerting.

Like, you were almost a successful person… nope, missed it.

Wealth… now that’s the great get out of being pitied free card. You could be a troglodyte with a hump back and the attention span of canned corn, but if your bank account sports enough zeros, you’re a success.

All of this is external nonsense. But the way society treats you has a tendency to make you second guess yourself. You could be perfectly fine and content in your life but then you get a couple of those, “Oh, you’re single? Don’t worry. It’ll happen for you” comments and all of the sudden you’re thinking, “Awww fuck, I thought I was doing good… must be something wrong with me.”

When you pick it apart for real, it’s kind of stupid. There isn’t any one size fits all reason someone is single. You usually wouldn’t want to listen to anyone’s long, drawn out reason for why they’re single if you asked them about it, either.

I’ve seen people get into and stay in relationships I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. People who cheat on them, talk down to them, or just people they’re just generally not excited to be around. What’s the point in all that?

I think some people settle because they don’t want to be alone. Which, you know, it’s a choice, too. If you’re content that way – more power to you.

Valentine’s Day just seems to bring it out in people – the judgy, the sad, and the heightened sense of dread.

That’s a lot of gravity to give to a holiday that’s all about sending construction paper cards and little candy hearts with funny sayings. Maybe we should just let people live the way they want to live and try not to impose our own bullshit hang-ups on them.

Or, you know, just skip it and concentrate on St. Patrick’s Day. At least his silliness is fun.

Why Single People Hate Valentine’s Day

4 thoughts on “Why Single People Hate Valentine’s Day

  • This is probably my least favorite “holiday”. The expectations of one’s romantic partner can be especially challenging on this day. I’m a serial monogomist so I’ve pretty much been in a relationship with someone most of my adult life. Most of those were disasters. I sometimes wish I’d been better at being single but then I wouldn’t have learned all the stuff I’ve needed to in order to be married now. Balancing two strong personalities is quite the learning experience in and of itself.

    1. I don’t think anyone really likes this holiday. Or at least, I don’t know anyone who does… I do know a few people who dig the chocolate covered strawberries that are plentiful right now.

      I spent most of my 20s and 30s married so I know both ends of the spectrum. In society in general, it was far easier (read as I was less likely to lose my fucking temper) married. By the time my ex and I split up, I legitimately figured I just wasn’t very attractive anymore… or maybe that I was too old to be attractive… largely because I did not get hit on at all while I was married. That might be partially because I did not put out any signals like i was interested because I really wasn’t even thinking about it. But after a few years of being single, I’m pretty sure it was the wedding ring.

      Because let me tell you, I’ve been as far from interested as possible and people will still hit on me now… and either people have gotten far less respectful in general or they just feel like they can be douchey once you’re past a certain age… “hey, older chick no ring, she must be desperate”…

      My feeling on it at this point is that men weren’t respectful to me… they were respectful of my husband who they didn’t even know but because he was a man, he deserved deference… whereas women, not so much… which might be a little far over on the feminist spectrum but it seems fairly accurate.

      1. Unfortunately, I think you’re right. In the south, I got a lot of – “You’re a lesbian? You just need me.” BS. College guys who asked me home to screw on the bear skin rug in front of the fireplace (parents were away that weekend) as if that was the height of romance. Being friendly with straight guys, they always got to the point of wanting more or ending the friendship. Lost a number of friends that way.

        What turns me on the most is intelligence, sense of humor, well read. Crass proposals that sound like the person is barely above neanderthal just don’t do it for me for some odd reason.

        1. “Crass proposals that sound like the person is barely above neanderthal just don’t do it for me for some odd reason.”

          Yeah, see, I say that and I get… “well, see, you’re single because you’re too picky.”

          I’m single because I think life’s too short to put up with bullshit. Life turns corners. If someone shows up to make me change my mind, great… but if the options are hanging out by myself or dealing with assholes… I find myself to be pretty good company. 😉

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