Ah, Valentine’s Day… that magical, dreamy day when people feel free to judge you just for existing… or at least for breathing outside of a relationship.
If you’ve been single for any length of time, you’re probably getting tons of helpful commentary.
Once February rolls around, they ratchet up the whole…
“It’ll happen for you.”
“Don’t worry. Your perfect someone is out there.”
And the always popular…
“You’re single? But you’re so pretty…”
Who the fuck invented that last one?
Have you seen some of the happily committed people out there? They make Bertha the constipated hippo look like a fucking supermodel. Can we stop with this shit already?
Society changes norms at the speed of light. But man, are we slow as fuck at changing judgment.
And I’m not bashing couple-dom. I think it’s fucking awesome when two people are happy together. I like it when people are happy, in general.
I don’t think all couples are happy, though.
You know what you never hear? You never hear someone mention that they’re in a committed relationship to have the other person say, “That’s too bad… don’t worry, nothing lasts forever.”
That never happens. Single people don’t “tsk, tsk” your relationship situation as if you’ve been blighted with some spouse shaped cancerous growth… and not for nothing, that fits the bill with a few people.
As a society, we decided long ago that a happy, successful life meant certain things. Marriage, kids, and material wealth equal success. But we added a few caveats on this crap shoot of judgmental fuckwittery.
Like, if you get married and have kids – yay. But then if you get divorced and wind up raising the kids as a single parent… you poor thing. Seriously, I’ve seen people react to hearing about someone’s terminal illness with less pity in their eyes. It’s slightly disconcerting.
Like, you were almost a successful person… nope, missed it.
Wealth… now that’s the great get out of being pitied free card. You could be a troglodyte with a hump back and the attention span of canned corn, but if your bank account sports enough zeros, you’re a success.
All of this is external nonsense. But the way society treats you has a tendency to make you second guess yourself. You could be perfectly fine and content in your life but then you get a couple of those, “Oh, you’re single? Don’t worry. It’ll happen for you” comments and all of the sudden you’re thinking, “Awww fuck, I thought I was doing good… must be something wrong with me.”
When you pick it apart for real, it’s kind of stupid. There isn’t any one size fits all reason someone is single. You usually wouldn’t want to listen to anyone’s long, drawn out reason for why they’re single if you asked them about it, either.
I’ve seen people get into and stay in relationships I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. People who cheat on them, talk down to them, or just people they’re just generally not excited to be around. What’s the point in all that?
I think some people settle because they don’t want to be alone. Which, you know, it’s a choice, too. If you’re content that way – more power to you.
Valentine’s Day just seems to bring it out in people – the judgy, the sad, and the heightened sense of dread.
That’s a lot of gravity to give to a holiday that’s all about sending construction paper cards and little candy hearts with funny sayings. Maybe we should just let people live the way they want to live and try not to impose our own bullshit hang-ups on them.
Or, you know, just skip it and concentrate on St. Patrick’s Day. At least his silliness is fun.